Eat It!

Today I reached a personal milestone! It may not sound like much to you, but today, Sunday, October 15, 2023, I was able to feed myself!  Such a small task that everyone does so often they take it for granted. My wife had walked away from a plate full of french fry pieces she had broken up for me, and an omelet that she had cut into little squares for me. She got distracted with something else and I grew impatient waiting. So I reached down, pinched a piece of french fry between my thumb and index fingers, then hoisted it to my mouth. It reminded me of a baby when it’s first learning to eat. I started out by grasping small pieces from the plate on my lap a bunch of Cheerios from Mom’s purse. I raised them to my mouth… sort of. In the beginning, I dropped at least as many as managed to find their target. It must have been quite comical. Jonell observed me doing this and excitedly called for Lydia to come and see. They smiled and gave me a hug. For a second I felt like a puppy that gets rewarded for learning a new trick, (all that was missing was they’re patting me on my head and telling me good boy!) I then realized they were genuinely excited about my accomplishment. Before long I had the idea of using the fork on the plate in front of me. It was difficult for me to find my grip at first, but eventually, I got it. Awkwardly I jabbed at the bits of omelet before me and then I would try to guide it into my mouth. Maybe dipping it in ketchup wasn’t such a great idea at first. I seemed to wear more on my face than stayed on the egg. However, I was soon able to put it into my mouth with a great degree of accuracy. I wasn’t able to twist the fork, so the fork would go into my mouth sideways, but it got the job done. Chewing was another obstacle I would have to overcome. I managed to use my tongue the maneuver and get the food to the side of my mouth so I could mash it up with my teeth. Finally, I was able to force myself to swallow. I have to be careful as my body still takes a deep breath about every twelve minutes give or take. I don’t want to aspirate by inhaling any food that might be near the back of my throat. I’ve already had a few close calls. You might as well know that I’m eating regular food now. When we were switched off of Hospice, there was no longer a vegan offering. All for the best. I don’t know how much longer I would have lasted now that I’ve had the taste of regular food again. It’s not like I had a problem with eating meat. I only did it because of a book that I read just before the stroke. Plus I don’t want to task Jonell with yet one more thing to have to do for me. Expecting a special menu seems selfish on my part. So today I dined on chicken fingers as well. I eat very slowly, wanting to ensure I don’t choke on anything. Besides, it really gives me the chance to savor the flavors of what I eat. I wonder what’s on the menu tomorrow? Could this be the beginning of the end for my feeding tube?