Nearly two years into a new lifestyle I did not choose, I still do not have a pain medication that is effective for me. Though they have tried many, sadly none have worked. I have sometimes wondered if the blockage in my brainstem is responsible for my quadriplegia, and could also be keeping the pain-killing drugs from performing the job they are supposed to? Either way, my usual means of dealing with the constant pain, being distracted doesn’t work. On a 10-point scale, where 10 is “I slammed my finger in a car door” bad, I usually stay at about a 2. However today it’s at about a 5. My usual distraction techniques don’t help when I go above a 3. So all I can do is sit here and hope it goes away, and if history is an indicator of that happening, my chances are slim to none. Fortunately, it is almost bedtime and I have found a way to mitigate the pain as good as any drug can. Nonetheless, what bothers me the most about my Locked in Syndrome, other than being a quadriplegic mute of course, is being treated differently. I’m still the same person, as long as you don’t expect me to play a game of hide-and-seek with you. I just want to be treated like I was before my stroke. My wife pointed out my double standard. I had taken to feeling sorry for myself because people had stopped texting or coming to see me as often as I thought they should. After all, I was a quadriplegic mute now, remember. The truth is, before my stroke, there weren’t a lot of people I kept in touch with or went to visit. If I want to be treated the way I was before my stroke, then that’s exactly what I’ve got. I hate to admit it, but my wife was right! What I do now is a bit different than before, but I still have most of the same abilities as I did then. I can text as easily as I can receive texts. I’ve also had a lot of people make the long journey to come and visit me, no easy thing to do, so I can’t really complain. In the beginning, I did get more texts to check in on me. I guess like me, they get busy with their lives. And anyone I’ve initiated contact with has always gotten back to me. Mostly I occupy the days with writing, either content for a book or the BLOG. I have also taken to watching TV. Though mostly I watch discs, classic TV series and movies with Jonell & Lydia. My life is pretty routine and full now I’d have to say. I try to help Jonell out as much as I am able. I do some of Lydia’s homeschool planning and help her with her studies. I must admit however that it has become a little challenging to keep up the organization of it all. After a year and a half of writing, it’s hard to keep up with it. When I was having all of my crash issues, I had taken to emailing my writings to myself, both to free up space in the writing program I use and as a means to be able to retain it. A good idea as long as I don’t exceed the limits of my email program, which I just discovered I had. So I have lost all of my oldest emails, A.K.A. some of my writings. I am limited with the programs I have access to. I have faith though that I’ll figure it out. I hope it is before I lose any more. If anyone has any suggestions on a program I can use I’m all ears, remember I do have the use of my laptop now. If anything, I’d have to admit that my life is nothing I can complain about. It is somewhat the way I pictured it being in my retirement years. Only I can’t do my woodworking or toss a ball around with the grandkids, but I’ve replaced my love of woodworking with a love for writing, and instead of tossing a ball around, it is playing checkers. We play the hand we are deal
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